A substitutes nightmare (Taken with instagram)
Some Nights.
Give me a second I need to get my story straight.
“There are some nights I hold on to every note I ever wrote
Some nights, I say “fuck it all” and stare at the calendar
Waiting for catastrophes, imagine when they scare me
Into changing whatever it is I am changing into…
And you have every right to be scared.
Cos there are some nights I hold you close, pushing you to hold me
Or begging you to lock me up, never let me see the world
Some nights, I live in horror of people on the radio
Tea parties and Twitter, I’ve never been so bitter
And you, why you wanna stay?
Oh my God! Have you listened to me lately?
Lately, I’ve been going crazy…
And you, why you wanna stay?
Oh my God! Have you listened to me lately?
Lately, I’ve been fucking crazy…
There are some nights I wait for someone to save us
But I never look inward, try not to look upward
And some nights I pray a sign is gonna come to me
But usually, I’m just trying to get some sleep…”
This is probably my favorite song right now. So honestly I cant stand this anymore and I am ready for any change in my life. i cant stand the same old monotonous bullshit that I am going though every day. Something needs to change, or get better, I just don’t know what to do, and I’m sure as hell not waiting for college. I’m tired of hearing about the whole “Oh everything will get better soon” stuff. Yeah so? Why not now? Why am I one of the unlucky SOBs that didn’t have a decent MS/HS time. I don’t know. Whatever I guess.
Ok and another thing. Why is life worth living? I’m not suicidal… trust me, I could NEVER. No I mean really. If we are here to follow in the footsteps in Jesus Christ… why are we down here? Like why would God do this to us instead of having us stay in heaven with him? I feel like this is a big wasteful test that is completely unnecessary. I want to know what we are really here for but to make our own destiny. I really want to know. And also, what decides who is in charge of you? Like, why is your mother a person of authority over her children (and I’m not just talking about mothers, its all implied authority)? Because your mother and father decided to concieve and YOU ended up being the lucky soul in the body, they are now the authority over you? I mean I think that people should maybe be assigned to those people who would be better suited to raise a child than some parents who are out there, but that wont happen without proper cause, and some people really need it. Lots of questions… I dont know…
AND the worst part is, I feel like I’ve tried everything to get over it, and no matter what I do or what advice I get, i still end back in the same place.
Some Nights.
